Life actually does continue after dealing with all the drama, jails, rehabs. Guess what? I survived. More or less intact.
Most of my life today revolves around parenting my grandchildren and helping my mentally ill daughter learn to manage both her life and her 11 month old daughter.
So household is...DH, age 50, 100% disabled Vet.
Me, - My Facebook pages says Tired, at Mostly Retired. age 58
D - 24 (recovvering from brain injury trauma) daughter
S - age 14, should be in 8th grade, is in 10th and also a Freshman at local University granddaughter
A- age 12, 7th grade, part-time custodial grandkid, both parents function, are divorced and work shifts. granddaughter
J - age11, should be in 5th grade, is in 7th grade. granddaughter
M - D's daughter, age almost 11 Months. granddaughter
4 dogs. 3 cats.
Kids that no longer live with us?
C- Nurse, A's Mother. working full time and going back to college to be RN lives 5 mins away
R- Foster Kid, married, Nurse 4 kids lives about an hour away.
B - Son. lives with gf. Finally 10 minutes away
S1 - mother of S & J. has another child K. still goes to methadone clinic everyday, for the last 8 years. lives about 1 hour away
C1 A's Dad. Lives about 5 mins away. A splits her time between C and C1 and Our house.
One VERY large box of Wine. Yes, I now belong to the "Boxed Wine Mom's Club on FB" !!
Most trying thing today? Getting S up for school! I am so sick and tired of multiple trips up and down stairs to wake that kid up!! I can literally scream in her face and she just sleeps peacefully on with her alarm clock making very LOUD obnoxious noise 6 inches from her ear!! How DO they do that?
I am so sick of it...after several years (since she hit teenhood) I called school the other day and talked to principal. I said "look, I know the law. But here's the thing. This kid, although only 14, has GOT to learn to get out of bed herself!! I realize that I won't get a visit from truant officer until she has 10 unexcused absences. Here is my thought. I wake her ONE TIME. If she fails to get up, she misses bus, and therefore school. The next day when she shows up WITHOUT A NOTE FROM ME EXCUSING HER STUPIDITY, can you PLEASE just give her both Friday Night Detention AND Saturday Detention? Is that in your power? Because I am pretty damn sick and tired of this shit!!" (this was on a voicemail btw, yah, I am one of those weirdo's who talk to VM like I have you on the phone...)
He called back, chuckling and left ME a VM (I was taking a nap and didn't feel like answering) and said "I would be MOST happy to bend the procedures a bit in this case and will definitely be on board with your dastardly plan!)
So last night, I told S a "modified version". I simply said "Okay, here's the thing SOPHOMORE TENTH GRADER.....I will wake you ONE TIME and ONE TIME only. If you go back to sleep, you will miss school and when you go the next day I will NOT send you a note, which means you WILL go to principal's office and you WILL get detention, - Got it?" To which she replied...Yes.
Am I being to harsh? Probably. Let's face it, the kid is 14 and a straight A student, 2 grades advanced AND going to University with a 3.8 G.P.A. Her answer is "What do you want from me?"
Um. grades are great. Now how about cleaning the pigsty you call a room, help ME out around the house, don't talk back and also, GET UP IN THE MORNING!
She says I am being unreasonable. I tell her "that's my job!" and walk away. GRRRRR
BTW. she did, in fact, get up on her own this morning. I guess if you don't HAVE to do something, you won't? Now she has to because I refuse. It will be HER suffering the consequences, not me.
Which, as any of you who have been with me all along know...it's what I sort of started out wanting to do. I know PART of their mom's addiction was because she had no coping skills for failure, AND, Stupid parent's that we were back then, we rushed in where even Angel's fear to tread. So I did decide to NOT make that mistake again, and to let the girls suffer the consequences of their actions (or lack thereof).
That's a lot harder than it sounds. God I love these Grandbabies an awful lot,and I have to constantly watch myself from thinking..."oh, give them a break. both their parents are poly abusers, dad's currently in jail, mom just go out of 15th or 16th rehab (I've lost count).....
That is SUCH a dangerous road to go down. Every parent is an enabler, it's what we freaking DO as parents from the day we bring them home from the hospital!! Its what our culture raised us to do.
So, I have to "self-check" on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. Not let them use that as an excuse (they have tried) and not offer it to them as an excuse.
I thought about it the other day. for 42 years straight now, I have been parenting children and running a house (sometimes while holding a full time job). You know what?
I am REALLY TIRED of this. I get sick and tired of making dinner every night. Sick and tired of cleaning. Wish I was rich enough to hire someone. Dream about hitting Lottery (I've heard your chances are proportionately higher if you play however....) buying a mansion, paying taxes 100 years in advance, and hiring a maid and a cook. Spend most of my time in whirlpool bath with a glass of Cabernet and a good book.
That's MY fantasy!!
Good day all. Hope you find your way here. This blog is about the insanity of teenagers being raised by a tired, bitchy old lady.
Welcome to Life After A Junkie Kid.