Sunday, February 16, 2014

A new custodial grandparent. One we have known for years.

I am sad. A dear dear friend of ours, Her Big Sad posted a couple of days ago. Bittersweet memories abound.

She has taken custody of her daughter's child, born addicted. He is a lovely little thing. But, she is my age (and remember, I have been doing this now for 15 years so when I started this journey, I was only just turned 45).

She has a newborn, just out of NICU, still on Methadone, at home now. Her husband's life and her life have been turned upside down.

Her daughter. My daughter. Athena's daughter over at Mom vs Heroin.

Alot of us P.O.A. have boy children. It really IS different with girl children addicts.

And that is just the bottom line. Our girls eventually get pregnant. After we have spent thousands, or hundred's of thousands  of dollars trying to help our baby girls. And even then, that didn't work.

Then...they get pregnant. We still love them. We pour more and more money down that drain called addiction. We try and try to save them. We tell them how great it is to live for your developing child, how wonderful motherhood is.

None of it works.

Those babies get born addicted. When I started, they didn't test automatically at the hospital for drugs. They do now, right, wrong or not. They take blood when the mom is admitted. For many tests, and the Mom signs the consent form, which covers a plethora of things including a drug test. Which is NOT listed on the form. Unfair? Ask the baby....

So now Her Big Sad  joins me and Mom vs Heroin and gets to raise her grandchild, who is withdrawing from what Mommy did to him.

Why did Mommy do that? Because Mommy is a heroin addict who cannot control the addiction.

What's his name was clean for 23 years. Then overdosed. Very sad.

But we forget don't we? Our kids get clean for 60 days, then 90, then a year, then 2, then 5. And we breathe easier. But the fact is, they are ADDICTS FOR LIFE.

they can relapse at any time. Nothing is more important than heroin. Not children, not family, not anything when they are in active addiction. And even when in recovery, they are STILL ADDICTS.

Does that mean we don't love them. No. But it means we have to be realistic.

Now Her Big Sad feels bad because she is somewhat resentful. was I!! Still am somedays. No retirement. Menopause and Potty training. Pediatricians.

But, there are more good bits than bad bits.

Most important thing? Love the heck out of these babies and educate them from the get go that BOTH parents are addicts, and what it caused, and that they can NEVER EVER EVER try drugs, because they too carry that addiction gene.

It's a rocky, beautiful, crazy road. I wouldn't have walked another.

Go over and give her some support. She is at the place of no sleep with a newborn in withdrawal.