Sunday, February 16, 2014

A new custodial grandparent. One we have known for years.

I am sad. A dear dear friend of ours, Her Big Sad posted a couple of days ago. Bittersweet memories abound.

She has taken custody of her daughter's child, born addicted. He is a lovely little thing. But, she is my age (and remember, I have been doing this now for 15 years so when I started this journey, I was only just turned 45).

She has a newborn, just out of NICU, still on Methadone, at home now. Her husband's life and her life have been turned upside down.

Her daughter. My daughter. Athena's daughter over at Mom vs Heroin.

Alot of us P.O.A. have boy children. It really IS different with girl children addicts.

And that is just the bottom line. Our girls eventually get pregnant. After we have spent thousands, or hundred's of thousands  of dollars trying to help our baby girls. And even then, that didn't work.

Then...they get pregnant. We still love them. We pour more and more money down that drain called addiction. We try and try to save them. We tell them how great it is to live for your developing child, how wonderful motherhood is.

None of it works.

Those babies get born addicted. When I started, they didn't test automatically at the hospital for drugs. They do now, right, wrong or not. They take blood when the mom is admitted. For many tests, and the Mom signs the consent form, which covers a plethora of things including a drug test. Which is NOT listed on the form. Unfair? Ask the baby....

So now Her Big Sad  joins me and Mom vs Heroin and gets to raise her grandchild, who is withdrawing from what Mommy did to him.

Why did Mommy do that? Because Mommy is a heroin addict who cannot control the addiction.

What's his name was clean for 23 years. Then overdosed. Very sad.

But we forget don't we? Our kids get clean for 60 days, then 90, then a year, then 2, then 5. And we breathe easier. But the fact is, they are ADDICTS FOR LIFE.

they can relapse at any time. Nothing is more important than heroin. Not children, not family, not anything when they are in active addiction. And even when in recovery, they are STILL ADDICTS.

Does that mean we don't love them. No. But it means we have to be realistic.

Now Her Big Sad feels bad because she is somewhat resentful. was I!! Still am somedays. No retirement. Menopause and Potty training. Pediatricians.

But, there are more good bits than bad bits.

Most important thing? Love the heck out of these babies and educate them from the get go that BOTH parents are addicts, and what it caused, and that they can NEVER EVER EVER try drugs, because they too carry that addiction gene.

It's a rocky, beautiful, crazy road. I wouldn't have walked another.

Go over and give her some support. She is at the place of no sleep with a newborn in withdrawal.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Just rambling

Life continues. No major problems here, Thank you Lord. Calamity wants to "come by to talk" today. oh. yay.

Kids are fine. Honor roll all around, except for Pint, who missed it by .13 because she turned her paper in late. Ah well, consequences happen!!

Biggest problem I have is

1. I have nowhere in the house that is MINE. Just a small spot at a dingy kitchen table.  M has the living room. Kids have their rooms. DH has our bedroom. I even lost my laptop because his tower burned out and he has to continue playing his stupid online game or he will lose all his stupid building things he has purchased with money we don't really have  achievements.....

2. I am pretty tired of being broke. If son doesn't get off his ass, I just may quit paying his student loans and let my stupid in laws lose their damn house. Jerk owes me close to 4 grand now. Getting rather pissed over the whole thing. No drugs, just idiocy and laziness.

3. Mouthy teenage girls. Trying to get them to just KEEP THEIR ROOMS FROM BEING REPORTED AS A TOXIC HAZARD. All I ask is Grades and pick up after yourself.  Don't think I am being harsh.

4. Stressing over my stupid previously well thought out decision to grade accelerate them. Now I have an 11 year old going to sweetheart dance Feb 7, in a flipping strapless short homecoming type dress (albeit very plain, VERY she has no boobs and I was afraid the damn thing would fall right off her!!!) and it also isn't too short, hitting right above her knees. Well, she likes it. What the hell, she IS in 7th grade.

5. Pint..going to homecoming. Got her a $800 dress at a local church that sells them secondhand. Paid $100. she looks like a flipping model in it. It is a size 2. OMG. I think I will send DH with her and have him take a shotgun. She is 14. and looks 17.

But that's not even unusual anymore, regardless of the grade acceleration is it? Most girls today look way older than we did at that age.

Maybe it really is that GBH or whatever they give cows. I guess if enough kids drink soymilk, we will find out with the next generation?

Now to wait and see what bomb Calamity is going to drop on me.

Peace all.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

A new year? What? Another one!!

Everyone is fine. Not good....just fine.  I would really like to just go on strike. But, I can't.

You know, I have discovered my literally BIGGEST BITCH about life. I don't actually know how to put it though.

You all know someone, who does something so assholian (that is now an official word...LOL), that you are so completely and totally blown away by the assholian action that you go to either your spouse, or your children or even your best friend.....

and you say "Did you HEAR what so and so DID?"

and they say "Well, you KNOW how he/she is..."  AND THAT IS IT?

So, If I do something out of character, or I am mean spirited for a day, or more bitchy than usual, or snap at one of the kids


And, instead of my loving understanding family saying "Well, you know how she is..."


how rude.

Everyone else gets to get away with bad behavior but me.

My mother in law, only 70, acts like she is 90 and there is no reason. She totters when she walks because she is too stupid to eat right. She lost 100 pounds LITERALLY because she was eating only green beans and crackers. She is a DIABETIC.  She falls. She gets hysterical.We get 3 a.m. phone calls and have to gte out of bed and go over. She has done all of these for the last 30 years, so it's NOT recent....

What do they say? Oh, you know how Grandma is....

DH doesn't come out of the bedroom for days (he IS disabled, but still). Oh, you know how Pappy is.

Calamity promises things to her 2 children, Oh, you know how Mom is...

Nursey forgets to give her kid her MEDS (hello....did you see the part about NURSEY, oh yeah, has a  DEGREE IN NURSING)  OH! you know how she is.

I could go on and on. But, I won't.

So why is it that WE, the ones who do the daily grind, the ones who keep the family together, What the hell is it in our DNA or RNA or whatever makes us ...   US, what is it that keeps us going?

Why are we constantly striving to improve ourselves. Why do we read and think and change. Why don't we just....I don't know,

say FUCK IT ALL and let it roll?

Now THIS is something for the experts to ponder. What was it in our early childhood development that made us so stringy, enough caffeine)  um....full of piss and vinegar as my Gran used to say, so damned defiant? What is it that drives us to never say "I'm just giving up."

In my next life, I want to be a 5'2" total and completely blissful idiot with big boobs and a vapid smile. And marry a really rich husband. And have a maid, a butler and a cook.